wait a minute...

I think I just got put on retainer. Ok, not _just_ - something like five hours ago. It's taking a while to sink in. Partially because I'm not feeling well today, and it's affecting (effecting?) my mood, and I just hate the whole world and everything in it. So good news is kind of like a shock to my system. I can't quite process it. But one regular gig I thought was over just renewed. More details about the specifics will come in tomorrow. This is good news. It's what pays my mortgage. Not the utilities, but the mortgage. This is good. Then a conversation with a new client turned from a very painful, piecemeal, project-oriented, penny-pinching negotiation into: "what if you put me on retainer?" Sure, there's a ton of work to get done, and some travel involved, so this means I'll definitely have to put in 20 hours of work every week. But here's the thing - I get paid for it. Not half a million dollars or anything, but money I can use to pay for things like the utilities. I think the people I've been borrowing money from will be pleased. On the other hand, I've got commitments coming up in August. No telling really how many hours those commitments will take up. I wonder how this will all work out. The funny thing is, my luck has been so low for so long, I'm sitting here waiting for the other shoe to drop - looking for the catch - wondering how this is going to come back to bite me. It's hard to relax and enjoy the good news. Maybe it will feel better in the morning.

pitch and toss

It is possible! I pitched a story today, and the editor said, "Okay. Can you have it to me in two weeks?" Yay! Granted, I didn't come up with the story idea myself, and the pay isn't great, but I admit it is a little ego boost when the editor says he'll take it. You can do it too, Sarah! Really! You've just got to find the right market. Okay, back to working on a writing sample a friend said "Don't send that in" after reading. yay.

Monday Morning.... er Afternoon

I don't know what to tell you, Sarah. Focus on the positive? Don't let the man get you down? Don't live too many days at a time? Personally, I think the only way I manage the rollercoaster is to live very much "in the moment." Don't look too far ahead, don't look to far behind. Right at this moment, this is what I'm doing, and this is good. All that said... I just sent a query letter to a company I heard was hiring. Yep, fulltime. I've been freelancing for three years or so, and I'm not sure I can take the feast and famine. Even the feast times are kind of scary. How long is this money going to have to last? How much of it can I spend on luxuries? So many uncertainties. Still, I love being able to take long walks with the dogs and not worry about getting to an office at a particular time. I love taking the afternoon or the day off to spend with my nieces/nephews and not have to ask someone or give them a good excuse. Deep, cleansing breaths. Find your happy place. Live in the moment.

Again with the ups and downs

Freelancing continues to be a roller-coaster. Up: I booked a couple of medical conference coverage gigs for a publisher I filled in for last year. This is a good gig -- short, intense, then over. I bury myself in it for a week, and then can forget everything I learned (or try to -- I'm still haunted by images of septic wounds from the first conference I covered for them. Bleh.) Down: I just got the contract for said conference gigs, and the word rate has gone down. Typo? Mistake? Cutbacks? Or do they not think I'm worth $1/word? It's a lot of hard work, I basically become a medical-conference machine for the week, and I thought I did a pretty good job last year. I would hate to think they've decided I suck. (Not enough not to hire me, but enough not to pay me what they did before.) So the question is, should I turn down this gig if they don't up the word rate to last year's munificent round figure? For all practical purposes, i can't -- even at the reduced rate, it's too good a paycheck. But I'm still a little pissed. We'll see what happens. Another up: I actually completed a (not half bad, if I do say so myself) commentary/humor piece all on my own. It's actually relevant to the current news cycle! I wasn't assigned it! There was initiative involved! Hey, that's a big deal for me. And another down: It got rejected out of hand -- possibly without being read -- by a paper that I kind of think sucks. (Why submit to them? Because I'd still be happy to take their money.) They don't accept any unsolicited work -- and if they don't, who the hell does? Heck, I'd even worked with them for a little while a couple of years ago, but even having some personal connection didn't help. Harumph. I'm still trying with it, tweaking it a bit, making it slightly less edgy, and submitting it to more mainstream fare. No response yet. It's hard not to get discouraged by that. So: On I plug, as I look over my finances (I'm not yet selling my blood, but boy, I wish they were stronger), try to force myself to complete more queries (but if even the aforementioned rag doesn't even look at them, what's the point?), and contemplate how to cut costs and keep things going. It's funny: Every time I tell people I'm a freelancer, they always say "That must be so fun!" And it is -- it's a hell of a lot better than even the best office job I ever had. But it's hard, and it's lonely, and you spend a certain amount of time feeling like you're adrift. If I had to support anyone but myself, there's no way I'd be able to pull it off. I try to hang on to the successes I have, but it gets hard sometimes. Any suggestions on how to deal with it?

not bragging - celebrating small successes

I have the "cover article" on a videogame news website today. yay me! (I got paid for it about three months ago, but it's nice that it finally sees the light of day.) http://www.gamasutra.com

Happy Solstice!

Longest day of the year. Hopefully not the longest workday of the year!

mid-week malaise

Am I spelling that right? I don't even have enough motivation to look it up. So anyway, it's Wednesday. I've got approval on the ultrasound story for the week, so I guess I could work on that. I really should work on that business blog work that's been sitting on my todo list for two weeks. And what about all that volunteer work I was going to do for that trade organization? There's no lacking things to do - only motivation to do them.

14th Wedding Anniversary - wow time flies...

Today is me and my beautiful wife's 14th wedding anniversary. I did the dishes and took out the trash, so the place looks nice. I'm going to take her out for an early dinner at some fancy place (fancier than McDonald's). I also got her a really nice card that says a lot of very beautiful stuff and a Nine Inch Nails cs she has been wanting for a while. We are really really in love still after all these years.

Good news, bad news

The good news: I'm doing some more TV blogging, this time for Zap2It's From Inside the Box blog. This is the sort of fun job that still makes me feel vaguely guilty I get paid for it. This does not stop me from submitting invoices. The bad news: One of my production monkey jobs may be going away. We'll see. The all-too-typical news: I really, really, really need to send out some pitches. Ideas are fine, but they have no prospect of bringing in money until I send them to editors.

Monday morning - not manic

Once again, having trouble focusing and really getting any work done. Things I want to accomplish today: * email amy * email kathy * prep for this week's ultrasound article * work on the bio and blog i'm getting paid to do * provide answers to client questions about word counts * do some craft-like fun stuff

New House Blues

I haven't posted because I have been so busy packing and moving and unpacking. I know that's no excuse to log in and spend a few minutes writing down my thoughts. The house is coming along well. Let me describe our new house a bit. It's a new construction ranch dwelling with no grass (a little grass, but mostly dirt). When you first enter the house you can see all the way into the living room, so you see my large widesrceen tv. Off to your left is a small room that is a laundry room and to the right is the music room. Most people would have made the music room into a dining room, but my wife and I don't use the dining room table, so we put the round solid oak table down into the basement for poker games. The music room is open and spacious with our instruments lying around the room in their cases. It's acoustics are pretty nice. Off of the living room is a hall that leads down to the library and the master bedroom and a guest bedroom. (three bedrooms, but we really like having a library with all of our great books on the shelves) We've unpacked over half of our stuff. The only room that is not yet completed is the guest room, which is full of boxes that need to go to the basement for storage. The garage also has a bunch of boxes that need to be unloaded to the basement, but first we need to setup our storage area in the basement. We bought 24 bricks and 4 MDF boards to make some areas that will be raised off the basement floor to keep moisture at bay, and a couple real storage shelf units. Once they are in place, the boxes will be sorted out and reorganized and put into storage. Then, we can put the guest room furniture into place and we'll be done! It seems to be the hardest part of unpacking. You have everything you think you need in it's place, and now you have to store the stuff you don't want to throw away but don't really want to put into the new house. The hard part is giving up a relaxing day or two to actually do the work. That is why I haven't blogged. I've really been trying to stay focused on the house. Today, I felt obligated to post something out of duty to my friends. I know you miss me! Sorry! *hugs* There is a sense of loss as we near completion of our house. I can't quite explain it. All of the excitement is coming to an end and your fatigue levels are still reading along the redline, so it's worse than being drained, but I can't put it into better words. It's not a saddness. It's not a relief. It's the new house blues. I need to go into the music room and put together a song now. It won't be very good, but when you have the blues, you have to take advantage of it and write a song. If I get a good blues song written, I'll post it here, otherwise, I might have to post a I didn't write a blues song blues song.

Here it is - Friday already!

Where did the week go? I wish I knew. I did finish that book proposal and get it sent in. I even finished my ultrasound article yesterday. It feels really good to be facing a Friday with nothing hanging over my head. Well, nothing the size of a piano anyway. I've even followed up on a couple of leads this morning already. So here I am, patting myself on the back. Hope everyone out there is having a pleasant Friday too.

I finished something!!!!!1!!11

It so shocking, I had to announce it here. I actually finished the book proposal(s) I've been working on fastidiously (Okay, between things I was already getting paid to work on) for the last two weeks. Yay me! Now I'm going to email them off and see what happens. So strange, being able to mark something off my todo list...

to get done today...

Let me see... I want to get all the pictures off my camera and see if I got any good ones of my niece and nephews playing soccer. I want to finish this book proposal that's been hanging over my head for a month now. I need to get a new topic lined up for this week's ultrasound article. Can't stop talking about it, I know. I may need to help out my sister-in-law with some driving today. Her husband has her car keys - in a town two hours drive away from here. This list seems very short, but I'll be lucky if I can handle everything on it in just one day. Onward and upward!

another monday morning come and gone

I like Monday mornings, I really do. I just never get anything done. My article's up on the ultrasound site, so I guess it worked out. I still need to finish up my two book proposals though. Plus, must go to niece and nephews' soccer games tonight. What a busy social calendar I have.

Something to show for myself

One of my big fun projects has finally hit the site: The Supernatural Big Bad Bracket. I have to admit, I'm absurdly geeked-out and pleased by it. This is one of those assignments I'm torn over -- on the one hand, I'm kind of amazed I get paid to do stuff like this, as it is geeky and fun. On the other hand, it's a pretty damn good feature, no one else is doing it, I put a lot of work into it, and I should be getting paid more for it, dammit.

Another Noun! Verbing Adverbly!

Welcome Steve! Did I spell your name right? We've been friends for a decade or so, but how often do I use your last name in print? It's nice to have more than two people in the office. I realize you're right in the middle of a stressful house move, but hey - we're all trying to get the work done. Welcome to the fray!

Motivationally challenged

It's one of those perilous days to be a freelancer -- no immediate deadlines, gray and rainy and (comparatively) cold, a head cold/sinusy thing making me feel like I'm under water... on days like this, the temptation is to just go back to bed. And when you get right down to it, I can. But.... you know that list I said I was going to get through last week? Except for the one on-deadline thing, I didn't. So no naps for Jerslix until she's written several cover letters.

friday already??1??!!

I'm just not prepared for today to be the last day of the week. As an office worker, I kind of dreaded Monday. As a freelancer, I find myself dreading Fridays. If I don't get everything done on/by Friday it means Saturday turns into a work day. I don't like that.