wait a minute...

I think I just got put on retainer. Ok, not _just_ - something like five hours ago. It's taking a while to sink in. Partially because I'm not feeling well today, and it's affecting (effecting?) my mood, and I just hate the whole world and everything in it. So good news is kind of like a shock to my system. I can't quite process it. But one regular gig I thought was over just renewed. More details about the specifics will come in tomorrow. This is good news. It's what pays my mortgage. Not the utilities, but the mortgage. This is good. Then a conversation with a new client turned from a very painful, piecemeal, project-oriented, penny-pinching negotiation into: "what if you put me on retainer?" Sure, there's a ton of work to get done, and some travel involved, so this means I'll definitely have to put in 20 hours of work every week. But here's the thing - I get paid for it. Not half a million dollars or anything, but money I can use to pay for things like the utilities. I think the people I've been borrowing money from will be pleased. On the other hand, I've got commitments coming up in August. No telling really how many hours those commitments will take up. I wonder how this will all work out. The funny thing is, my luck has been so low for so long, I'm sitting here waiting for the other shoe to drop - looking for the catch - wondering how this is going to come back to bite me. It's hard to relax and enjoy the good news. Maybe it will feel better in the morning.